No-one is going to believe this but I was actually starting to feel sorry for those rodents when they were left alone by the Longlegs designated to look after them when I went on holiday. They were a bit thirsty when my 'The Him' and 'The Her' returned.
My feeling sorry for them was soon to go away.
Last night I went to take my place on the long seat next to my 'The Her' . As I jumped up I notice one of the rats was free, the cheeky one called Penny. I was about to warn my 'The Her' when she put her hand down and started stroking it. Yes, you heard me right, she was actually stroking it. I sat down and decided just to ignore it. After all, I have no need to show my prowess at hunting yet again. I was settling into place when the damned thin actually came up to me and started snuffling at my fur. I stood up fully expecting that to be enough of a warning but all it did was try to run between my front legs as though I was providing it with a tunnel. Let me tell you now that I batted it with a closed paw and hissed my displeasure. Did it run? No it didn't. Instead it pulled on one of my whiskers which made me turn my head and almost unbalanced me. My hiss was really loud. Fearing the kind of damage I could inflict I decided to make a discreet withdrawal, which I did quite quickly to another seat.
I saw my 'The Him' go over and start to play with it. It was really disconcerting since he doesn't do that with me. Granted I am not always nice to him but he's only a Longlegs so what so you expect. Anyway he sat on the end of the long seat and the rat ran between them, Suddenly it darted into my 'The Him's pocket.There was a rustle and out it came clutching a packet of tissues in it's mouth. It bit into the end and pulled out a whole tissue. I expected such anger at this nerve but both Longlegs laughed. I do not understand it. After a few pulls like a tug of war the tissue was retrieved but she kept doing it again and again and again. He didn't seem to mind.
My 'The Her' picked Penny up ( far too gently in my book) and returned her to the cage where the rats belong. I stirred myself ready to go and sit on her knee for my well deserved strokes but she pulled the other one out. Amy, the one with the brains. No way was I going over there yet. That was for the safety of the rat of course.
It seemed a long time before they returned this rat to the cage but she wasn't as playful with the Longlegs and my 'The Him' soon came back to his seat so I favoured him with my presence on his knee and allowed him the privilege of stroking me.There are times when my generosity knows no bounds but we do have a duty to look after our servants I suppose. I cast a few glances at my 'The Her' in case she wanted to apologise and ask me over but she seemed preoccupied with building something. Lots of pieces of that thick , hard, paper stuff slotted together. In the end it was a large square filled with little rooms and holes between each one. You know what she's done don't you. No wonder I don't understand these wretched Longlegs sometimes. She's built them a run to put on the floor. Why? They have a perfectly good cage there. I think tonight one good wee should see the end of that and I should be back as Top Dog ( how I hate that expression) in my own home again.
Well, the dark time they called Thursday evening arrived. I know this because yet again I was roused from a catnap and thrust unceremoniously back into the bag they'd used for me before. It was so unfair as I wasn't prepared and was therefore unable to defend myself as I should. Also, as it was my 'The Her' that did the thrusting while my 'The Him' held the bag this time I was not prepared to run my claws down her arm.
I was in the bag and was showing I wasn't happy about the situation by alternately demanding to be let out and shamelessly pleading to be let out. Neither was working and neither of them seemed to be even trying to comfort me, or as my 'The Him' calls it, "Getting the little blighter to shut up."
A new voice was added to the mix and from my, not such a vantage point, I saw a pair of Longlegs legs approach. Having a rough idea of what was to come I upped the pleading. A strange set of smells was attached to the legs which came right up to my bag. I knew they were not coming to my rescue when the bag rose into the air and I found my self uncomfortably close to the smells that attended this Longlegs . "Quite a vocal cat isn't he" she said to which my 'The Him' replied
"Oh yes, a real master of the caterwauling " which I didn't think as clever as he did.
My 'The Her' did at least come towards the bag as I was being carried away from my home to say she'd miss me and asked me to be good. GOOD! what's that supposed to mean?
I in my bag, found myself placed in the back of a box shaped chariot by the smelly Longlegs, who got into the front, started it going with a roar and shot off away from the house. At that point I knew I could give up the pleading and in an effort to assert my Superior dominance change to informing this Longlegs of my requirements regarding treatment. I couldn't quite believe it when she turned on one of those boxes that issues music which all but drowned me out. How rude.
Eventually we stopped and a clearway was opened. The smells I had caught from the legs were much stronger now and I could make some of them out individually from various quarters. Cattle, horses, goats and even some Superiors. My bag was lifted and I was taken inside a building and the clearway shut behind me blocking off some of the smells, but the Superior's one remained and was stronger. Through another clearway and my bag was placed on the ground and the top opened. I lifted my head and looked out. There was a row of cages at ground level and I was in one while from some of the others I was met with inquisitive eyes from other 'holidaying' Superiors. My bag was turned on it's side so that I fell out with no grace at all. The bag was removed, a hand came down and patted me on the head then was withdrawn and the cage closed. Away went the legs, off went the light and a clearway closed. There was momentary quiet until suddenly all of us started asking each other who we were and what we were 'in for.'
It was a long dark time and I admit I did sleep a little on quite a comfortable bed that was in the cage. There were old smells of other Superiors who'd slept on it too. Then the light time came and with a bang the clearway opened. A clattering followed as the Longlegs from before approached laden with a tray full of dishes. I knew it was she from the attendant smells which clung to her like a coat. She started opening cages and placing food dishes in with each of us. As my cage opened I started to make a break for it but a hand grasped my neck as she said " Oh no you don't my lad. You'll have to get up earlier than that to escape me." The food was placed beside me and the cage shut again.
It was beef, my favourite but before eating I set up howling at the indignity of being caged and my fellow prisoners joined in. I let them take up the chorus before I started eating and listened to the Longlegs try to quieten everyone down. As she couldn't she placed the food dishes down quicker and ran, closing the clearway behind her.
A little later she returned and opened a section of cage behind me which opened up into a run to give me some exercise. I took advantage of the opportunity to have a stroll and when I returned a little later I found my nieces Maddy and Millie in a cage next to mine. It seemed my Longlegs weren't the only ones going away for a few days. We greeted each other and I introduced them to our new companions.
You'll be pleased to hear I'm not going to bore you with events or lack thereof during this light time, the dark time that followed and the new light time, as they followed the same pattern. Food, exercise and the occasional annoying of the Longlegs who came with food by a concerted effort at pleading by us all. This was no position for Superiors like ourselves to find ourselves in. Instead I shall take up the story from later in the light when I heard a familiar sound. It was my Longlegs chariot drawing up. It has a very familiar sound to me, rather like the cough of an ancient Superior who can't quite catch their breath. Hrwch, hrwch, hrwch.
This was followed by the clearway opening and my 'The Her's' voice saying " Where's my baby boy, where's Oscar?" as though she couldn't see me in front of her, it was mildly embarrassing. There too was her kitten who'd come for Maddy and Millie and who was making the same strange greeting noises. Back into our bags we went and were carried out, all of us, to the chariot where I was placed on the knee of my 'The Him', Maddy on the knee of my 'The Her' and Millie on the knee of her kitten. Ugo, the kittens partner was driving the chariot. We all sounded our "Glad to see you's" and "why did you leave us there" at the same time and as Ugo took a corner a little fast my head shot up and the zip went at the top of the bag. My head poked out. "Freedom " I called and my 'The Him's hand descended and started stroking me. I couldn't help my reflex action which was to purr. Very undignified when I should have been telling him off but it was just so satisfying.
We reached home and my bag was placed on the ground so I could get out and check everything was OK. The kitten, Ugo and my nieces drove off leaving me alone with my Longlegs.I allowed them to fuss and feed me for a while before going off to find my own bed and settle down where I belong.
What a day I've had. You wouldn't believe the trouble I've been to today to bring the house to order.
Let's start with this morning. In all innocence I went to my 'The Him' and suggested he wake up. OK, I admit it wasn't easy to rouse him and I had to resort to nibbling his nose a bit but it's not really my fault. In all fairness he was making such a racket it was no wonder he couldn't hear me. So, I stopped the noise so he could understand what I was telling him and he had the nerve to object. I jumped off his bed pretty rapidly as I don't think the hand coming towards me was going to stroke me as I deserve. He turned his light on and seemed to glare at me. I walked away with my head held high as he followed me muttering all the time as he does sometimes. Anyway, after I had established that I has woken him for an emergency- my dish was empty- he filled it and returned to his sleeping place. I ignored the food for now since I wasn't hungry ( but you can't be too careful) and followed him back, settling on his stomach and doing a few turns just to get comfy. I'd just about reached that stage when he sat up again moaning about his bladder or something and left. Since there was now a nice warm spot I didn't follow him but settled down.
No doubt there was no intent to distress me, but it wasn't working. There I was woken from my sleep by my 'The Him' and he was picking me up and stroking my head. Now I became suspicious at this point as he wasn't chunnering, mumbling or threatening me. It became obvious there was something wrong when my 'The Her' came in with a bag in her hands and he tried to put me in it. Naturally I tried to resist and in the process must have 'accidentally' caught my 'The Him's' arm. There he was, screaming again about Bar Codes or something while forcing me down until my 'The Her' managed to shut the zip over me. It was very undignified but I suppose that's what non-Superiors are like. I was quiet for a minute but unhappy so I started letting them know it. My 'The Her' was shushing me while he was carrying the bag outside to their chariot.
It was a short journey and the smell of our destination quietened me. I knew where I was and I didn't like it one bit. Someone called my name and I was carried through to a white room and the bag was placed down. Suddenly the zip opened and a large paw came in and grabbed me by my neck. I didn't wriggle or fight as this one in white is very strong. Moments later a sharp jab in my rear followed by a quick rub and I was thrust in the bag again. Another short journey and we were home. He placed my bag on the seating place and called to my 'The Her', "All done for another year Dear, shots are up to date. Would you like to come and let him out because I'm not putting my arms anywhere near the little wretch." My 'The Her' opened the zip and lifted me out into a hug. I was feeling a bit sorry for myself- with good reason- and enjoyed it.
"There, there " she said "all over now Oscar. David you're such a wimp, he's as good as gold aren't you boy?"
I limped off to have a little food from my dish and then came back to the seating place for a catnap. I was just settling down to rest when Rat 1 spoke up, " Hey cat, I hear you've been out today , well I can see the bags under your eyes or rather the bag that was around them but don't get needled with me." I could hear her laughing as I tried to sleep. Just as I thought the day couldn't get any worse I heard my 'The Her' talking to the box in her hand. "Yes, you can collect him on Thursday evening and we'll be back on Sunday night. We're going away for a few days." I knew that meant I was going away too but not with them. Another little holiday for me at the Superior's Hotel where I never get enough to eat, don't get the strokes I deserve and don't get to share a comfy sleeping place with my Longlegs.
Like I said, I've had quite a day.
I decided to take a walk round my village this morning just to make sure all's well. It's been a few days since I did so. As I was getting to The Fursty Ferret I saw Ginger and young Frisk, a newcomer, talking. Or rather Ginger was doing the talking and Frisk the listening. I wandered over in time to hear Ginger saying "And I don't suggest you say a word about it from now on".
"About what Ginger?" I asked.
"Oh hello Oscar, nothing important" he said.
"I was just asking if it's true that two rats rule the roost in your house" said Frisk with what looked like a smirk.
"I don't know who you've been listening to kitten" I said, "but make no mistake, I'm still as much in charge there as ever."
"Just what I've been saying" added Ginger.
It was easier to feign indifference to what Frisk said than to actually work out in my mind whether what I'd said was true since the unfortunate incident with my tail, but I wasn't about to voice my doubts.
I continued with my stroll as though nothing was wrong but it worried me that a newcomer could so easily voice thoughts that made me look silly in front of my friends. I have to fix this and quickly I thought. With a new determination I turned and headed for home. Just inside the gateway there was a rustle and quick as a flash I pounced showing Frisk and Ginger who seemed to have followed me that I'd lost none of my speed. It was a small field mouse and as my jaws caught it, the mouse played dead. I realised to my relief it was a mouse I'd caught before and had asked to play dead in exchange for it's life. From the corner of my mouth I spoke to Frisk "Do you really fink anyone oo cud catch a mouse vis fasht is not boss at home?" I didn't wait for his reply but went indoors. Inside I made sure I avoided the screaming Longlegs and went straight to an open clearway and dropped the mouse outside again. "You're lucky I didn't bite" I said "now why not find somewhere else to live?"
I went to the room for sitting and stood before the cage where the rats live. Hmm, daylight, they're asleep I thought. I called out."Hey rats, come on out and talk for a minute".
Two heads duly appeared followed by two bodies that stretched out from sleep and lastly came two tails, huge long hairless things.
"What do you want?" said Rat 1
"Is it food time?" said Rat 2.
" Stop thinking about your stomach Penny " said Rat 1 "it's almost dragging on the floor."
"Listen" I told them, "I want a truce and a little favour!
"Have you got anything to eat?" said the one called Penny"even a little tail would do." and I swear there was a little snigger there.
I picked up one of their chocolate drops between my teeth and leaned towards the cage. Penny came to take it and as she did I caught one of her whiskers. "Ouch"she said.
"Perhaps it's time I made meal of something "I said and let go.
"I repeat, what do you want" said Rat 1.
"As we both have to live here, I suggest we make the best of it" I replied, "but, as you have your own little kingdom here and I have mine everywhere outside your home, if you help me regain my good name I'll agree to leave you in peace."
"Sounds reasonable" said Rat1 "so what's the favour you want?"
"I need to carry one of you outside in my mouth to show I'm still the Superior here. After I've been seen I'll bring you back unharmed."
Rat 1 whispered to Rat 2 before turning back to me and saying. " We agree. You can carry Penny out and I'll watch to make sure you keep your word."
Clever, I thought, making sure that one made sure she was safe. Easy to see who was the brains. When I opened the cage and Penny came towards me it was easy to see who was the stomach too.
I took her in my teeth and carried her outside. We were approaching the gate where Ginger and Frisky were still sitting when Penny said quietly " Is there anything to eat out here?"
I shushed her and lay her inert body on the ground near Frisky. " So the rats rule the roost do they? Here's one that doesn't and the other one is next."
"Sorry Oscar" said Frisky " you're obviously still in charge."
"Right"I said "I'll leave this as a gift for my Longlegs" and carried Penny back inside. My jaw was relieved when I was able to set her down. It's obvious rats don't do diets. As a thank you I got two grapes from the room for food and brought them to the cage. I saw Rat 1 say thanks and start to eat while Penny ran with hers to the base to hide it and then come back to the top."Come on Amy" she said, "share with me, after all, I was the one who went out."
"Yes" said Amy "you did" and handed over her grape. Penny started eating and Amy ran down to get the one Penny had hidden to eat herself. "Oh , you've got another one " said Penny, "that's good."
"Truce over Ladies " I said, "from now on I'm the Superior round here and if you behave there'll be more food. I left them eating their grapes.
Something strange is going on. I can't quite put my paw on it but my whiskers are bristling and that's a sure sign. Of course it could also mean that a great wet is coming from the sky as well, but I don't think it's that.
We all know I creep into this room once my 'The Him' has left so I can leave a note for all my fans out there who understand how to treat Superiors and like to know what I'm doing.
Let me start by saying I got up this morning and all seemed fine, well as fine as it can be with two interlopers in the house. I refuse to call them guests since I certainly didn't invite them. There really are times when the Longlegs shouldn't be allowed out on their own. Still, I'm sure I got my message across to them the other day and they won't tangle with me in a hurry. Anyway, I was up. I didn't feel like walking in the direction of the lounge just then so I thought I'd pay a little visit to my 'The Him'. I was shocked to find he was already up too and working on the writing box that I 'borrow' to speak to you all. As I got closer I could hear him huffing and puffing as his fingers tapped harder and harder. P L E A S E S T O P S E N D I N G M E H O R O S C O P E S he stamped out saying it out loud as he wrote. I have no idea what they are but anything starting with horror can't be good. He saw me and leaned down "Hello Oscar old boy" he said, "do you want your breakfast?" And without being asked too.
He carried my dishes through the lounge to the food room, passing by the cage with the rats as I followed him. He put the think on that makes water hot and then instead of scratching my ears while we waited he took some crunchy things from a packet and went to feed the rats FIRST!! BEFORE ME!!!!!!! His paw was at a funny angle passing things through the bars and before I could warn him that he's get pulled into the cage, one of them took the titbit from his pinched fingers as the other one got a grip on another finger with her teeth. I expected a squeal, either from him at the pain or her as he squashed her for her cheek, but no, he laughed and said "Patience Penny, yours is here" and gave her a treat. He's obviously gone mad.
He did my dishes and gave me breakfast. Then I saw him put some bread on to brown for himself and make himself a drink. He carried my dishes through and I left him to his meal while I had mine. As I came back there he was feeling them the crusty bits. I left in disgust and went to see my 'The Her'.
I had just settled down when my 'The Him' came through with a drink and a plate of browned bread. "Thank you Dear " she told him, "but please take it through to the lounge and I'll join you there so I can feed the girls the crust." He swivelled round and headed back saying "Righto my Dear". The world has gone rat mad. Do they not know these are rodents in the house of a Superior? It's unheard of, or at least it should be.
After a little nap I went through to 'borrow' the writing box to tell you all of the indignities I'm suffering and there on the place where I tap I found hair. Rat hair, where I work. Please don't tell me they've escaped. But I looked carefully about and couldn't see them. I made my way to the lounge and there they were still caged up. I was just breathing a sigh of relief when they noticed me. One of them smirked while the other one just put her head down and crunched into a peanut shell. It was very unnerving.
I've come straight back through to tell you all about it as I don't understand how these hairs got from that room to this and up onto the table where this box sits. If anyone has an answer please let me know, and if anyone would like two rats just let me know.