My 'The Her' is home again. It is good to see her but of course I won't let her know that. I shall raise my tail and turn away as if I don't care. She'll be sorry she went away. She'll also be sorry she won't let me sit on her lap any more. 'The Him' grabbed me in mid air when I tried to jump up but he won't try that again in a hurry. He left the room sucking on a finger he didn't think I could reach.
It seems I'm in 'The Him's' bad books again too. He had not changed the contents of my litter tray when I wanted to go and I was forced to use a mat in the hall. Terrible reaction as though it was my fault ! There were no open clearways for me to reach the garden either. I'm a superior and did what I had to do. Anyway , it's a good lesson for him to be quicker to see to my needs.
Out and about in the light I was looking for the gang and came across a newcomer to the village. He was just passing through and though I don't usually talk to dogs I could see this one was unusual. I asked his name and with an accent that shows he's not from my country he told me 'Wise-guy'. I was going to swipe him across the nose for his cheek when he told me that was his name and spelled it for me. Waiskai, but it sounded a little like wise-guy tome so that's what I'll call him. He told me very interesting stories about his Longlegs whom he calls Janet and Don but I can't repeat them here. He said his 'The Her' loves chocolate and hugs though. Strange breed these longlegs, mine are like that too usually.
I didn’t find Ginger and the others in the end so I went home to eat. 'The Him' had prepared me a dish of turkey which Wiseguy said he gets at something called 'Thanksgiving', it was very nice. Maybe I'm just a little sorry about his finger now, but it's not my fault that Longlegs have blood so near the surface.
After eating I decided to rest. The small brother one of my 'The Him' arrived with a roar and made me glad I was inside. Now it was a race for the sitting place. Sometimes I let him sit near me, even on the edge of my seat but today when he tried I thought he wanted too much room and just put my claws ou as he edged downwards towards me. He soon moved, rubbing his bottom and looking askance at me. His own fault for trying to sit where I am but I suppose it's partly mine for letting him do so sometimes. He was grouchy after that, telling my 'The Him' I should be put down. He didn't say where though but I hope it's somewhere nice as there has been rain again.
The end of the light and time to rest now. I shall go sit on he chest of 'The Him' and stare at him for a while before settling down on his tummy, It may be that I've decided to be nicer to him, but I want hin to know that I am his priority , after all, it's what he's here for.Julia Prosser
what a cool superiorWise-guy
Thanks so much for mentioning our meeting. I'm really glad you decided against swiping my nose with your paw since I just had 6 front teeth pulled. I guess the worst part of it all is...I now whistle when I run! My Longlegs send their best to you and tons of hugs and chocolate to yours. ~Wise-Guy~ aka WaiskaiWise Cat.
I am pleased to meet you, Waiskai. A wise Superior knows that dogs can be as well trained as any Long Legs. I have once known a very large and gentle dog in a distant country called Arkansas, whose name was Jake, who was the true friend of four cats. Each night as the Long Legs settled to watch their moving pictures, Jake plopped himself in his own warm special corner. Each cat took a turn to touch noses with Jake, then move away toward the Long Legs and jump on their laps or the arms of their chair. The fourth cat always settled between Jake’s huge paws, Jake gently put his head on him, and all the animals went to sleep peacefully.
Well, my 'The Her' has returned. He has not harmed her and buried her in the garden as I thought. I still don't trust him though.
Things have changed though. He is still doing my food dishes and giving me my chicken while she seems to lie down a lot. Also, though she still speaks nicely to me and strokes my coat, she no longer lets me sit on her tummy. I am allowed to snuggle under the covers next to her still but she is all bones these days. I wonder what he's done to her.
I don't seem able to beg anything off her plate now as she hardly seems to have anything on it any more. Lucky for me that he's an easy target and if he says no I just help myself. I can't run at the moment though as the loss of a claw in the fight has left me with a very sore pad. Still he doesn't usually chase me as he knows what damage I can do with the remaining claws. She does take a lot of little round things with a drink now and I don't think I want any of those off her. They seem to make her want to lie down a lot and if she has a special drink it makes her create a noise and awful smell, my 'The Him' usually turns green about then.
The small brother of my 'The Him' who is also a good and dedicated stroker of my coat is funny at the moment too. He is holding his front leg at a funny angle and making strange groaning sounds. He also takes little round things with a drink and seems to fall asleep. I think his paw is hurt like mine. I don't like this as all my special longlegs can't look after me as they should. There's just my 'The Him' left and though he is good it's not the same as getting the full attention from everyone and he seems to be caring for them too as well as me. I have to make sure I don't get forgotten.
The kitten came this light with her man longlegs and do you know, they didn't come to me first but went to my 'The Her'. I almost had to tell her off but when I started to I could see she wasn't listening to me and stopped. She was holding paws and hugging my 'The Her'. I suppose if she hasn't seen her for the same time as me I should forgive her. Only this time mind, next time I shall expect the attention first as is my right.
It is the dark time now and my 'The Him ' and 'The Her' have gone to their resting places. I sense something is not right but I'm not sure what yet. Maybe it is to do with the 'Hospital' I kept hearing about. Maybe that's what's wrong with her. And with small brother too as they talked about him with that . I don't think I like this 'Hospital' much whoever it is.
Well, time for me to do my rounds and make sure my 'The Him' is comfortable so I can sit on him for a while and give him my cold nose. Then I shall go and settle down under the covers with my 'The Her' until it's time to go out and make sure the village is safe.
I was just hearing about a friend called Jenny who chased off a bigger Superior after he tried to horn in on her good little home life with her Longlegs. “Good for her” I said and all the others in the gang agreed. I started off home and saw a large chariot near the front clearway. As I got closer I saw two strange longlegs carrying like a bed with my 'The Her' on it. As I got closer I saw them lock her in and drive away. My 'The Him' was standing in the clearway looking sad. So he didn't do something to her, it's others who took her away and she's gone again. Perhaps I'd better be nicer to him now he controls my food.
(firstname.lastname@example.org) Tue, 26 Jul 2011 13:54:05
Dear Sir Oscar,
You might know the Ancient Chinese Curse: "May you live in interesting times." We Superiors know that the exact opposite would be a great blessing.So in your time of trouble, I sincerely wish for you this blessing:
May you NEVER live in interesting times.
So, my 'The Her' is still missing and my 'The Him' seems to have mastered the washing thing as he's now able to put things in and take them out. I've even seen him with the heavy smoothing thing working on those funny skins that longlegs wear and take off . Then I see the one who comes in the light time come in and laugh at him and send him away.
I have to admit that he has been good at getting my food out on time recently and that the choice has been good. I have also seen him feed the swimming things but he never leaves the top open for me to play with them. That would be fun for me but he doesn't seem to consider that.
During the light time his brother longlegs comes to pick him up in a chariot and they disappear like my 'The Her' but he always comes back, not like her. I wonder where she is and why she left me behind? He always says “Going to the Hospital now Oscar” to me but I don't know what this means. Perhaps he's keeping 'The Her' away from me. Now I think of it, it's her stuff he comes back with to put in the washing thing. She must be his prisoner. Oh, I shall punish him for that when he returns today and let him know I won't stand for this and want her back.
This light I saw Thomas and Smokie out with Gizmo,Ginger and Tiger and they all asked where my 'The Her' was and it was terrible not to know. Of course I didn't tell them that. I just said I've sent her away for a while. They we're playing in the hot light and then resting under a tree in the shade. Walking back alone past the Fursty Ferret one of the longlegs who live there brought out a piece of salmon for me. “Oh, poor Oscar” they said. I don't understand why they did it but I won't complain as it tasted rather nice. After eating it I went home and found myself sniffing all my 'The Hers' skins and thinking how nice it would be to snuggle down with her on the sleeping place. It's just not the same with my 'The Him' as he won't let me snuggle under his chin. Still, to be fair I suppose he tries to learn but just isn't very good at it.
Some longlegs just don't know how we Superiors should be treated.
Oh Great and Superior Oscar,
I understand why you are so disturbed by the absense of your "the her" and I am sure she will return shortly. You should be proud that you have managed to train "the him" so well. You can be sure that it will please "the her" to find him better trained then when she left. You have done well in her absense, she will be grateful. Perhaps with lots of chin scratches and dishes of your favorite fish? Oh what a thing to dream on.. Yes?
your humble follower,
Tracy the not-so-longlegged
I'm quite a practical Superior really. I have learned to cope with situations as they arise. Anyone who has read my previous pieces will have noted this.
My 'The Her' is still not here and I'm having to adapt myself to this situation in a practical way.
For instance, my 'The Him' now has 4 reasons on his ankle to remember when it's bedtime. I mean I can't be expected to go to the sleeping place on my own after always being with 'The Her' can I? So, practical as ever I have that organised now. I find if I go towards him and utter a plaintiff cry to make him look, raise my paw before gently washing my face, he gets the message. Training is everything. Once in the sleeping place he lies on his back so I can sit on his chest. I laugh because I can hear him breathe like old bellows but I won't move until I've stared hard and told him I want my 'The Her' back. At least I know she's not buried in the garden now and that he says he goes to see her every day..
Standing in the clearway near the sitting place and giving a cry is a good indicator that I want something. As soon as my 'The Him' is on his feet I can lead him to my empty food dish. He seems to think I can manage on one sachet a day. If you could see his stomach you'd know it''s more than one a day for him. If I stood on that at night instead of his chest, I'd need all my claws to cling on and my ears would pop when I came down. I think he needs more exercise like I get and should spend less time in the chariot.
I don't want it to seem as though I'm moaning. But we Superiors expect certain standards and I only want to keep the longlegs on their toes. This one couldn’t be on his toes to save his life. But until my 'The Her' returns to me he will have to do things the way I want them. Maybe even a little bit longer as I may not talk to her for a while when she comes back . Perhaps I will though as he doesn't snuggle like she does and let me tuck under his chin. It was funny when I tried it though and he wriggled his chin down so I ended up covering his mouth. He coughed and spluttered for ages.
So, my lesson for today is 'Be Practical'. Accept what the situation is and adapt it to suit you as best you can. Remember though, Superiors must come first.
Dear Sir Oscar,
One of the definitions of intelligence is the ability to adapt to new circumstances. This ancient Haiku defines it well:
when the running brook
meets large rocks, it breaks in two
and wraps around them
I'm not at all sure what's happening in my world at the moment. I lost a claw some lights ago after having to 'reprimand' a stranger to the village who thought he could help himself to young Thomas II's food. I couldn't allow that. It hurts and I'm limping. My 'The Him' has cleaned my foot though he's staying clear since he hurt it while rubbing it as I'm afraid I took my temper out on him.
I shouldn't have done that as I can sense he's sad at the moment and doesn't have my 'The Her' to protect him. Now, that's why I'm not sure my world is al right. Where is she? She was there three lights ago because she woke me up with some groaning noises and 'The Him' came to investigate. I tried to tell him it wasn't my fault but he didn't seem to listen. He didn't even put food in my dish when I asked almost nicely. He bundled 'The Her' up and then he and his brotherfriend took her away with a big bag and didn't bring her back.
Since then he's been moping about like a motherless kitten and has had to be reminded that I need food. I've even seen him feed the fish and still forget me. I have had to use my good paw to remind him. All he keeps saying is 'well boy she's in hospital' over and over like I understand their tongue well.
I have seen him go to the wash box and turn it on.......again and again and again. I know he's trying to get the things out but he can't seem to find the handle and keeps pressing the wrong buttons.
I have been checking the garden to make sure there are no new holes dug just in case he's done something to her. And I have seen him leaving the house everyday since then at the same time but he never brings her back. Maybe I have split them up, but if that's true why has he stayed and she gone? This is a puzzle I don't like.
One thing that is funny though is to see my 'The Him' searching through all the cupboards though in the food room. All I hear is mumbling that sounds like “Where does she keep the coffee?”
Sleeping with 'The Him' is not the same at all. He makes grunting noises and disturbs my sleep. He forgets to feed me when I want it and he doesn't seem to be giving me any of the chicken he always brought me before. This is not acceptable.
I want my life back. I want my 'The Her' back so I can snuggle down properly.
Sir Oscar, your The Him must be reminded that his supreme duty is to you, no matter what happens in the home he shares with you. Show him this message, please.
An ancient saying:
"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these Longlegs from the swift completion of their appointed feeding rounds.”
Owing to a family bereavement,Oscar will not be writing his blog for today but fortunately he has an interview with Wise Cat to share with you all.
Hello Wise Cat, thank you for agreeing to this interview. My fans out there will be intrigued by the comments you've left me recently and so it's only fair I share the limelight a little. After all, I have plenty to spare being the star I am.
It’s a pleasure, Sir Oscar. I am honored to be here.
You call yourself Wise Cat which sounds old and venerable. Is this the case?
That depends on how you view time, Sir Oscar. In the ancient continent of Me-Ow, I would be considered early middle-aged. However, I still would say I am venerable in the sense that I am a poet-philosopher. All philosophers are venerable no matter what their chronological age is.
What breed of Superior are you, Siamese possibly?
How did you guess? I am impressed with your astuteness, Sir Oscar. I am a mix of Siamese and Balinese, with some touches of the Himalayan.
You often leave a haiku. Can you explain what a haiku is?
A haiku is a traditional Japanese form of poetry, now existing in practically all languages. The traditional form dictates that it should have seventeen syllables, arranged in three lines. The first and last lines are made of five syllables, the middle line of seven. The structure is too complicated to go into here, so to put it simply, it must represent a juxtaposition of images, often of nature, but not always.
Some of your comments seem to validate my training methods. How did you train your Longlegs? An how many have you got?
Indeed, I do agree with many of your training methods. You seem to be an excellent teacher. My methods of training include sleeping on my Longlegs’ heads, climbing on their bodies using my claws (if they do not pick me up when requested), and glaring at their food. These methods generally work very well. However, I do have an added advantage of being able to transmit commands through mind-altering methods.
My life had not always been easy, and I had to live in more than one household. But being the Superior that I am, I prevailed. My current (and definitely the last) Longlegs is a single woman who greatly appreciates my wisdom and (her words, not mine) my beauty and cuddlesome personality.
Where do you live? Describe the area you have to survey each day.
I live in New York City, and therefore I am an indoor cat who only needs to survey the apartment. However, since I take frequent time-travel trips to the ancient continent of Me-Ow, the domain there is rather large, the gardens of the Royal Palace, to be precise. Since I am not always there, I have to delegate my authority to a couple of disciples whom I have trained myself. They do an adequate job.
Will you be sharing your insights with my legion of fans on a regular basis?
Sir Oscar, this is entirely up to you. If you wish me to continue sharing my insights, I will consider it a great honor. You know how to contact me at any time.
Are you a singular Superior by which I mean do you share your home with other Superiors?
I share my home with two other Superiors. One of them is highly educated and we frequently discuss literature and philosophy. I am trying to convince her to take a time-travel trip with me to Me-Ow, but she is not keen on leaving the domain. The other one is not a great reader, but he is shrewd and extremely good-natured. He went with me a couple of times to Me-Ow, and had made a very good impression there.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us again Wise Cat. I hope to return and give you the chance to comment again soon.
Thank you, Sir Oscar. I value your friendship and hope to communicate with you again soon.
I've decided that my Longlegs love me and at last I must have them trained properly. At least they are showing the proper deference to a superior, or to this one anyway.
I believe I mentioned there is a sitting place that my 'The Him' and I have had some differences about. Well all that has changed. Though there has recently been a loss in the family and I know they are sad, they have their priorities right as regards me.
I had taken a walk round my demesne during the light time a few lights ago and had made sure that all the other Superiors were OK and keeping their longlegs in check. I explained they can be quite unruly and thoughtless if not trained properly. Anyway, I returned home. It was time to eat and I hoped that there was something nice out for me. Fresh chicken preferably. I jumped through the open clearway and walked through to the place of sitting and there they were,'The Him' and 'The Her' struggling with a large box. I decided to take a rest on my sitting place and watch them struggle, after all I couldn't offer any help. But my sitting place was gone, not there, absent, MISSING !!
The last piece of box was taken away and I saw a new object appear. It looked odd and I could see it was heavy and in two pieces. My 'The Him' slotted one piece onto the other and I saw it was a new sitting place they must have bought for me. It looked nice. It's brown plush and looked warm and cosy. They moved it into place and as they did so I saw my 'The Him' bend down and plug something in. Then he sat down...in my seat. He held something in his hand which I saw him play with and the seat started to move......it flattened out and it made him lie down. I heard him sigh with pleasure.......WITH PLEASURE, AND ME WITH NO SEAT.
He came upright again slowly and spoke to my 'The Her'. “Would you like to try it Dear?” he asked as he stood up. This is when I realised that he must just have been testing it out for me and hopped up on the seat. I remembered to give a grateful purr and settled down to rest. My 'The Her' made that funny hiccup sound they make when happy while he walked away with a grunt and an armful of cardboard.
Later that light I woke up to find 'The Him' sitting in the old seat next to me and 'The Her' on the long seat. As I got off to eat I expected a rush to occupy my place and take in the warmth I had left but all I heard was “ It's grey!! It came here brown and now it's grey. That will take ages to get off. I'm not sitting there !”
My 'The Her' started to hiccup again and was still doing so when I arrived back and took my place. It doesn't seem to move for me but that's OK as I like it as it is. Such a nice gift I think, and now I know that training pays .
An ancient Superior haiku:
great joy for teacher
pupils mastered hard lessons
I shall be honored
Morticia Cat Arbel
Comment: Dear Wise Cat:
I am greatly impressed with your wisdom and your poetic ability. If you agree to connect, we can do so on CatBook. It would be a great pleasure to discuss literature and history with a Superior of your intellect, particularly since I am also interested in Me-owan poetry.
The Longlegs have a saying about revenge being a dish best eaten cold. I think all my dishes are best eaten cold but I don't want you to think I don't understand the saying.
My 'The Him' was in his sitting place and because it was hot I went to rest in the shade that was beneath his big feet. My 'The Her' required a drink and he got up to make one, choosing to step on my head in the process.
You superiors will understand that despite him fussing me I could not let this slight pass unnoticed. As soon as he moved away I therefore took his sitting place. It was so warm there but I would not move and let the heat lull me into sleep. He returned with drinks and he WOKE ME ! Maybe he was asking nicely that I move but why?, I was here. I yawned and stretched making sure the maximum display of teeth and claw were on show. Obligingly he sat in the seating place next to me.
A little later it was necessary to eat. As I stepped gracefully down I heard a cry of “ At last” as he moved from one seating place of mine to another. I was sure the look I gave him would cause him to rethink his strategy but he did not relent. He does like to make mistakes. I returned from eating when I was ready and placed myself on the arm of the seating place next to him. I stared, I stared and I stared. He tried hard not to look but eventually gave way. “No Oscar, this is my chair” he said. I told him whose place it really was.
I know my 'The Him' has troubles, especially after he has had a drink of coffee. It doesn't usually take long and then he runs. Today he sat there. He sat some more and I could see the redness of his face and the agitated crossing of the legs as the situation became more desperate. I lay down and closed my eyes, up he got quietly and started to move crab wise from the room. “Mistake Dear” said my 'The Her'. Far enough away I mewed and as he turned round I lifted myself up and dropped from the arm of the seat into his now vacated place.
He groaned and broke into a funny trot holding his knees together as he moved. As he returned I looked up and offered him another fine expressive yawn. I wonder if I can train him to stand up from my place when I need it now?
An ancient Superior haiku:
small bodies stretch so far
we can take our time honored place
in your waiting chairs