How easily things change. One light time I'm all but invisible in the village and the next I'm the flavour of the week. Though of course that's how it should be really.

I was a little bored and not sure what to do with myself. Outside it was still the dark time and inside there was no light as my 'The Her' and 'The Him' we're still asleep. I'd had some fun unravelling all her knitting , I'd 'borrowed' a few pairs of socks, I'd even knocked two plants off the ledge by the small clearway but now I was bored. It was time for fun with the Longlegs.

I walked through my home to the room where my 'The Him' was in his sleeping place making those funny grunting sounds that my 'The Her' hates so much. He looked funny sprawled on his back , arms up above his head and one leg hanging out of the covers. It looked a very handy way up so I got a good grip and ran up the leg to the sleeping place. It might or might not have been the fact that my claws were out that caused the “What the?” that I heard but I'm afraid that was soon cut off as I jumped straight onto his stomach bringing forth an “Ooph.” I lay down and started retracting and bringing forth my claws to make him softer ( it never seems to work) until the arms which had now come from near his head started stroking me. But, if he thought he was going to get back to sleep that way he was wrong. I didn't start purring as he'd hoped. I moved higher up his body and connected my head with his chin making him lift his head. I was then able to snuggle under his chin. Unfortunately this didn't seem to please him today, perhaps because I may just possible have been leaning on his windpipe. Totally accidentally you understand.

It took only moments for my 'The Him' to decide I wanted something and gently pushing me aside he swung himself off his sleeping place. “Well, what is it you want you rogue?” he asked, probably expecting me to need food. Instead I led him through to the lounge where I made him sit and stroke me for a few minutes. Then, off I jumped and led him to the clearway. “ Hooray!” He said ,”you out and me back to bed.”

That suited me and as the clearway opened out I went. The light time was almost upon us now and I decided to walk to the village. There was no sign of Ginger or the others on my way but there was a lot of fascinating rustling coming from the undergrowth nearby. Lucky for them I'd eaten. I was just level with the Fursty Ferret when I heard a noise. It was a Longlegs scream . It was coming from below the pub. I went to look and the wooden floor outside was open. I could see a female down below shaking with fright at the sight of a rat in the corner. The rat was more frightened than she was but she couldn't see that.

I jumped down and hissing at the rat I lunged and caught it by the neck. “Play Dead” I told it with a muffled voice, my mouth full of rat hair. It went limp. I jumped out of the cellar and deposited it on the ground. “You're the pet of that little girl next door aren't you?” I said, “better get yourself of home before someone comes to check I've finished you off.” He ran home quickly and I went to lean over the edge of the floor.

“Oh thank you Oscar” said the female Longlegs as she recognised me.”how brave you are, I shall get you some salmon , wait there.” And wait I did. It was delicious.

I had just started to leave when there was another Longlegs sound of dismay and before me was one of the old ones looking up into a tree where a kitten sat shivering in the branches. I guessed she wanted the kitten down, probably to treat it with some respect as we Superiors deserve but I know that some kittens while good climbers up, are not good climbers down. I climbed up and found this was the case. Once up there, the little female kitten had found she didn't like the height. Picking her up by the neck as I had the rat I carried her safely down to the ground. The old Longlegs was crying and fussing the kitten who just rolled over on her back to enjoy it. I stood by as proud as I should be until suitable recognition came my way. It did, as the old one finally started fussing me too.

“Oh what a brave, clever cat ( cat ?) you are Oscar” she said, and out of the corner of my eye I saw the now unfussed kitten start heading towards the tree again. “ I won't come after you a second time” I said “back here now please for another fuss.”

The kitten obeyed and was rewarded with another fuss as promised and I even joined in by licking it.

I carried on strolling but met none of the gang and nothing else happened. Getting bored again I decided to head home for food.

As I arrived back and entered through the clearway I saw my 'The Him' with a dish. I followed and found he had put me some fresh chicken out. My 'The Her' entered and started stroking me.

“Well Oscar, you have been a busy boy this morning. I've been getting phone calls from the village about you.” Before I could deny any wrongdoing,she added “You must be the bravest pussy cat ( why can't people call us Superiors?)( But of course she's right about the bravest) in the village.

So, I'm back on top and in favour again in my rightful position. I can't wait until I tell the rest of the gang later.

Julia Prosser
Oh my brave Oscar.

Morticia Cat Arbel
Dear Sir Oscar,

You give Superiors a good name everywhere! My brother Timmy and I were extremely impressed!
Your friend,
Morticia

Wise Cat
An ancient haiku:

i leave at sunset
says the brave superior
my work here is done

  Good help is really hard to come by these days. There are too many slackers by far. For instance, at early light today my food dish had still not been washed and refilled, and in the food room there was no dish of chicken waiting for me. And why is this I hear you ask? Or at least I expect you to ask. Well, I'll tell you. It's because neither my 'The Her' or 'The Him' had bothered to get off their sleeping places to do their job. I expect they think themselves irreplaceable because we've been together for so long. But, and they should take note of this, they're not! Anyone would be pleased to serve a Superior like me and I'm half tempted to show them.

A little later light.
They did eventually climb down, get covered in their day skins and do my dishes. At least my 'The Him' did as 'The Her' has not been able to for some time. I enjoyed my food and decided to wander through to their sitting place where I found they had a visitor. It was a large, very round longlegs wearing the skin of some of those biting animals that we sometimes see by the river, mink they call themselves. In order to show that I am still able to entice Longlegs to want me I jumped up on her lap. She uttered a short scream and dropped warm liquid all over her skin.

“Oh heavens” she said “ a cat. How I dislike them and I have a terrible allergy to them atishoo, atishoo, aaaaatishoo!”

“Oscar get down” said my 'The Him' brushing me off her knee obviously scared that I was going to charm her and leave with her. Such jealousy, not that I blame him of course, I'm such a catch.

But the large Longlegs bustled out of the clearway alone.

A little bored I decided to take a walk through the village and see that all was well. I got to the Fursty Ferret expecting to be given a morsel but as the Longlegs saw me they slammed the small clearways to the foodplace closed and did the same to the large clearway leaving me outside. It was most odd, they must be busy or something. I strolled to the various houses and cottages expecting a grand welcome but got nothing. Even at the house where Thomas II lives, they moved his dish before sending him out to me. Thomas greeted me and I asked him whether the Longlegs were treating him well. He assured me they are. By now all this exercise was making me hungry but it looked as though all clearways were closed to me today. I had no choice but to wander home and sample the beef from my dish. Mmmm beef, and in the food room I know there is chicken waiting in a dish for me. I think I'll stay and not bother looking for a new home, after all I owe these Longlegs something for their service after all this time.

I shall be kind and keep them though I might have to resort to getting my 'The Him' out of his sleeping place a bit earlier. After all, they can't go on taking liberties with me can they?

Wise Cat

Dear Sir Oscar,

My deepest appologies for the delay, I was attending a conference in Me-Ow. Here is the ancient haiku that fits your interesting story today:

home sweet home; perhaps
a superior should stay
where good food is served

  For a minute last light time I almost thought I wasn't wanted. Yes, ridiculous isn't it, as though anyone could NOT want ME ! I was lying on my 'The Her's' sleeping place when 'The Him' came rushing in shouting “She's coming home ! Today, Oh Lord I need to get move on.” Next moment their kitten dashed in and as they both grabbed at the cover of the sleeping place I was unceremoniously dumped on the floor.

“If we make the bed now we can go and get her and she can jump right in” I heard. And next thing the cover off the cover of the bed was dropped on my head. Well there are two things that everyone should know.

1. No-one dumps things on my head and gets away with it.
2. No-one starts to do these changes without me joining in for fun.
   

I crawled out from under the cover and leapt back on the sleeping place just as they were about to insert it into a clean cover. I know what comes next and I'm usually right there for my fun when it happens. It's the great shake. Somehow though as they pushed the thick cover inside the thin cover I got included. Then the shaking started and I love it, but usually I'm on the outside. All of a sudden I was upside down and flattened. The shaking had stopped. I would normally just turn round and settle myself down for a sleep but then usually I'm on the outside. I moved to the ends but couldn't find a way out.

I spoke but couldn't hear anyone speak back with “Oh Oscar, do shut up a minute.” that I hear so often. Anyway, at the end I managed to crawl my way round so that I was at least on top now even if still inside. I gave up trying to get out and fell asleep.

Some time later I heard voices again but I kept quiet until I knew who it was. I heard my 'The Him' ( whom I owed for dumping things on my head), I heard their kitten ( whom I will treat as innocent this time) and then I heard my 'THE HER'. At last, where has she been? Before I had chance to mew my greetings a weight was placed on the sleeping place, not very heavy though. I wriggled and mewed to get attention and there were cries of “Oh” and “ Heavens above what's that?” My 'The Him's' hand appeared a a gap in the cover and widened it, I used the opportunity to repay my debt and was gratified to hear a sharp intake of breath as my claws connected. I used the time to extricate myself from inside the cover.

And there she was, my'The Her' was back. They were just laying her inside the sleeping place even though it wasn't dark outside. I was going to rush up to say hello but then I remembered she had left without me and chose to ignore her instead. I wandered over to the hands of their kitten for a quick rub and a scratch before deciding I'd ignored her long enough and walked sedately over to my 'The Her'.

“Oh Oscar” she said “ I've missed you so.” Naturally, I thought and allowed her to scratch my head, my ears and everywhere else, giving her the odd nudge if it wasn't hard enough. Then all of a sudden I was lifted up and placed outside the door which was closed in my face. It was 'The Him' placing himself in my debt once again.

Some time later it was dark. There were no clearways open for me and I decided it was time for payment again. I wandered through to where my 'The Him' was sleeping and started crying. I know he heard me and I saw him flinch. He tried to settle back into sleep and just before he succeeded I cried again. He came awake. With a huge sigh he slid off his sleeping place and stood before me.

“What is it Oscar” he said, “show me”. I walked to the clearway and waited. He followed. With another sigh he opened it and I shot out. I saw the clearway close but knew he'd wait so I took my time. It was raining lightly and the ground was wet. When I finished my toilet I moved back to the door and miaoued. It opened straight away though my 'The Him' looked asleep. He closed the clearway behind me and walked off back to his sleeping place. I let him settle a little then jumped up onto his stomach which opened his eyes again sharply. Then to show there were no hard feeling I gave him a head-but and rubbed my body against his face. “Ugh” was all I heard as I transferred the wet from outside onto him.
I consider all debts paid now.

Morticia Cat Arbel, Ph.D.

(lebraa@aol.com)Tue, 20 Sep 2011 06:40:20

Dear Oscar,

Your The Her is clearly unwell for the present, and requires your assistance until she feels better. Rather than think about yourself, try thinking about the Longlegs, just for a short while, of course. Have you never heard of Therapy Cats? I think you should read the article you will find of this link.
Your Friend,
Morticia
http://www.catsplay.com/thedailycat/2002-02-18/mind_relationships/therapy_cats/therapy_cats.html

  Some days you know it's time for a change. Something just hits you and instantly you can see what the change is, but not how to achieve it. Sometimes achieving it doesn't work out quite as well as you hoped it would.

It was my bed. I woke up and knew it was time to find another place to sleep. The warmth was coming through to me from the big clearway and my coat felt like it was on fire. My 'The Hers' bed had been good but as she's not here it seems empty and I'm too hot to stay here. I have tried my 'The Him's' bed before and in the dark time it's too full of noise from his nose and in the light time it gets no warmth. Anyway it's not good enough for a superior like me, at my age I need comfort.

Knowing I had to think this out I did the next best thing to sleeping and went to eat. After a series of hard stares at 'The Him' he'd been out and got me some chicken. It was nice too. Such a shame there was not enough as that means I'll have to eat the ordinary food he buys me. I do like it but if I let him know then I might no longer get the chicken. This is something all you kittens out there need to learn in order to assume and maintain control. Anyway I digress......

I went to my dish in the small room where he feeds me and found a basket full of washing he'd done in the spinning machine. With a playful flick of my paw I hit out at the top of the basket and out rolled something wonderful. It's the things he wears on his paws before he puts on the hard ones for outside. They were like a ball. They were stripy and had stars on them but they still rolled around well if I flicked them. As it didn't hurt my paw I realised how soft they were.

Picking them up in my mouth I found they were light too and I ran with them to 'The Hers' room.
As I said it was too hot to sleep on that bed now but underneath it was so cool. Ahhh, it's lovely. But I can't sleep on something so small. I went back and standing on my back lags I could see over the basket. There were lots of them. He has them in all patterns and colours and even my 'The Her' wears them sometimes. As quickly as I could I moved them one by one or even two by two to their new home, placed them in a circle and lay down. Bliss, sheer bliss. I settled down to sleep.

I don't know how long it was before I was woken by a roar. “Where in heaven's name are my socks?”
Well, as I don't know what a sock is it can't concern me can it? But it did. It seems my bed was his socks and after some considerable time he found them. At the same time he found me and I wasn't too pleased at being woken after I'd just fallen asleep again. As the hurt party in all this I naturally swiped his hand as it came close to where I lay and grabbed part of my new bed. He howled and stuck his finger in his mouth and mumbled “He'spinchedmysocksandclawedmeagainhelp.” Obviously no-one understood him least of all me. He brought a long handled brush and pushed me off my bed and I was indignant at the shame of it. He pulled all his 'Socks' out, and picking them up left the room backwards keeping an eye on me all the time.

So here I am ready for a change and I'm still looking for a way to achieve it. Any ideas?

Wise Cat

My dear Sir Oscar, don’t you know how emotionally attached Long Legs are to their socks? They would let you do almost anything without complaining, but their socks are sacred. Just go on the computer and order a new soft cat hammock. The Long Legs will assume they ordered it and put it up for you.
Amos Pierce

(mikproju@talktalk.net) Sat, 17 Sep 2011 00:05:04

So far Oscar all you've proved to me is that cats are selfish animals who always put themselves first. I think I might just like dogs better.

Oscar, you will have to be patient with the family. I know it may be beneath you to play second fiddle to The Him, but he is very busy taking care of The Her and needs all of your warmth and cuddles these days. Your The Her will be better soon and will resume her cuddles soon. All my best to you, my Superior Friend, while you give your blessings to the family. XO
Oscar, you will have to be patient with the family. I know it may be beneath you to play second fiddle to The Him, but he is very busy taking care of The Her and needs all of your warmth and cuddles these days. Your The Her will be better soon and will resume her cuddles soon. All my best to you, my Superior Friend, while you give your blessings to the family. XO
  I have been uncomfortable all week. It should have been cold but instead it's been warm and my coat has made me too hot. Usually there's nothing I can do about it. But......

My 'The Her' came home again a few lights ago. I could smell the illnesses as she came through the door and my 'The Him' put her to bed straight away. I gave up the bed gladly for her but wasn't too happy that she didn't seem to want to fuss me. It's probably his fault. No doubt he's been saying terrible things about me while she's been away. After I thought her settled for long enough I jumped up onto the bed, and though fearful of me touching her she did stroke my head so maybe he hasn't said too much or she just loves me anyway, which of course is perfectly natural. Then all of a sudden she sat up and was sick. It really wasn't my fault but I moved out of the way quickly anyway in case my 'The Him' thought it was.

It seemed no time at all before there were strange people at the door with a funny chair and they carried my 'The Her' off out again. My 'The Him' went with them all and left me locked in all alone yet again. He's been doing that a lot recently while she's been away, rushing off, locking the door and not thinking of me. I'm sorry she's sick but I do miss her and my hugs, though he does try in his own way when he's in. When it gets dark I don't mind, but there is no light from their funny box in the corner that I sometimes like to watch, and no legs to rub up against in the food room where I might be given chicken. When he comes in all he does is sit in his chair for ages with those funny hot things in his mouth.

This light I tried something I've not done before. I was wandering round trying to get cool and was ready for a nap when I saw him in his chair. He was slumped a bit and nothing in his mouth. I jumped up, walked up his big round ledge that he calls his tummy and settled down. He jumped nervously when I did it but didn't move away. So, I relaxed and settled my head under his chin. It felt quite nice so I went to sleep. I was soon aware, like every superior is aware, of his soft snoring as he slept too. We both seemed to wake together and as we did so he stroked my head and rubbed inside my ears just like my 'The Her' always does. Maybe he's not too bad after all.

Soon he told me he had to leave and started to get up. I had to move myself off his chest and over to the arm of his chair. He screeched.....My Shirt ! Clean on and it now looks like I have a fur coat !

So as I say, when it gets too hot in my coat there's usually nothing I can do about it. Now I can shed my unwanted hair, get hugs and cuddles, enjoy a nice sleep and still not have to confess that maybe I like him after all.

Wise Cat
Dearest Sir Oscar,

You seem a bit low. I can understand how difficult it is for you, and how confusing, when your cherished The Her is not well. But do cheer up. She will be fine soon, and your well being and comfort will again be the first thing on her mind -- as it should be -- and in the meantime, I think your The Him is doing his best to serve you as you should be served. I imagine it is hard for him too but all shall be well in the end!
Your friend,
Wise Cat

Wise Guy

Hello Oscar - so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading your post. My mommy and daddy didn't get back home to FL until late Friday night and they've been spending a lot of time unpacking, tidying up, and what not. Finally, my mommy had some time to pull up your blog so I could read it and send you a big hello, a bunch of hugs, and tons of flowers for you to share between The Her and The Him. Go easy on The Him, he's doing a great job taking care of The Her, and we need that. I'm certain we all want The Her to get better so she can get back to rubbing your ears in her own special way. Lots of love to you! Your friend ~Wise Guy~

Oscar
I may be feeling a bit low WiseCat but that's because my 'The Him' has forgotten to  get the most vital thing in the house...my chicken.

Nice to have you back WiseGuy, glaad you have your longlegs in hand there. I'm grateful for the hugs but I may pass the flowers on the 'The Her' in case they make me sneeze. I'm not passing anything on to 'The Him' until my chicken arrives and even then all I'll pass is a bit more hair. He 's not doing as good a job as I could do if only he's take me where he goes.

Collette
Oscar, you will have to be patient with the family. I know it may be beneath you to play second fiddle to The Him, but he is very busy taking care of The Her and needs all of your warmth and cuddles these days. Your The Her will be better soon and will resume her cuddles soon. All my best to you, my Superior Friend, while you give your blessings to the family. XO

  This is W C A T, the Superiors’ Radio Station in the United States of America. It has come to our attention that a remarkable Welsh cat, Sir Oscar Prosser, had a glorious adventure last Tuesday, escaping death by an inch. We are happy to tell our loyal listeners that Sir Oscar, a cat of great courage and style, has consented to give us a short interview, and we traveled all the way to faraway Wales for the privilege of speaking to him. So here we are at the local station. Welcome to our Station, Sir Oscar!

Oscar
It’s a pleasure to be here, Miss… er…

W C A T
My name is Beauty, Sir Oscar.

Oscar
And well it fits you, Miss Beauty.

W C A T
Oh, Sir Oscar, really you shouldn’t say such things… anyway, our listeners would be greatly impressed, as was I, by your extreme courage and resourcefulness. I understand that you stood up to a marauding farmer who was holding a killing stick?

Oscar
Well, I had to. This evil Longlegs was threatening my pal, Ginger.

W C A T
How did this encounter happen?

Oscar
You see, we were practicing our hunting skills. At first, with pheasants, then, with bouncers.

W C A T
What exactly are bouncers, Sir Oscar?

Oscar
I believe that in the U.S. you call them bunnies.

W C A T
Oh, these. Yes, they are quite good hunting, but often they are bigger than us, at least in Texas, where our station is located.

Oscar
So they are, so they are, in Wales too. They are huge. The one Ginger tried to get, silly Superior that he is, was immense. So big, in fact, that the farmer could not help seeing the two of them as they fought. I ran to help Ginger, and pounced on the bouncer, pushing Ginger aside to save his life from the farmer. And then the farmer came to face me, holding his killing stick forward in a threatening way.

W C A T
Oh, Sir Oscar! What did you do?

Oscar
Naturally, I stood on my back paws to my full height, pushed Ginger behind me to protect him, and hissed violently at the marauding farmer. The farmer turned and ran away from me in terror. I thought he was gone forever, but just as I landed with my paws right back on the bouncer’s, er, bunny’s back, the cowardly farmer, who would not face me when close up, shot at us!

W C A T
How awful! What happened then?

Oscar
The bouncer lost his life, and was removed by the farmer’s dog. I was very badly wounded, but my first thoughts were, of course, with Ginger. Moving very slowly, losing half my blood, I searched for him and found him under a bush, trembling in terror. When I saw he was alive, I sent him home and crawled to my own home. I did not want to frighten my The Her, so I hid behind a chair, but she saw the puddle of blood.

W C A T
Your The Her must have been devastated.

Oscar
Oh, yes. She begged me to become a House Superior and never risk my life, but I explained to her that my duties are to the other Superiors and I could not let them down, even if it cost me my life. She sobbed, and since I am really kind to my Long Legs, I told her I will stay at home until I recover my full strength.

W C A T
You are the soul of kindness. Excuse me, my coworker, Mitzi, has something to say to me… yes, Mitzi? WHAT? It is not the exact story as we got it from his blog? WHAT? He never faced the farmer or lost half his blood? Nonsense, Mitzi. Surely you won’t doubt the word of such a distinguished Superior! Whoever told you that must be jealous of Sir Oscar... I am sorry, Sir Oscar. Just an unimportant interruption. Thank you so much for this fur raising story, and I hope you will soon have the opportunity to talk to us again.

Oscar
Certainly, Miss Beauty, if you will promise to do the interview…

W C A T
Oh, Sir Oscar. Really… you should not say such things…

Wise Cat

Dear Sir Oscar,
I am horrified by the way these radio stations and other forms of journalism can twist the words of a Superior during an interview. Needless to say, I would never suspect you of exagerating the level of the danger and heroism you usually display, so I really must blame the interviewer. This is disgraceful...

Your friend,
Wise Cat

Thank you Wise Cat for knowing me so well. I'm afraid there was a lot of journalistic licence taken at the time and the facts were horribly distorted. Just read my Blog Oscar and the Bouncer for the real story.

Oscar. 

Baron Michael.
Methinks the grey furry one has come down with a large dose of ' Poetic Tall Tail Licence', and sweet old fashioned smarmyness again.

 

 

  I've heard it said over the years that the Longlegs consider we Superiors to have nine lives. I don't know if that's true, but if it is I have to consider that I'd be pushing my luck to get into any more scrapes after this light time. This time might be one scrape too far.

I was with Ginger at early light and we decided it might be fun to test our hunting skills were still working fine. The best way to do so is to creep up on those stupid pheasants and pounce on them. You should see them run when we do that. We headed for the woods to try. Of course we need to see which one of us can manage to pounce the most but those birds are so stupid they forget moments later that you were there and you can do it all over again.

Anyway, all was going well and I had already pounced as many times as I have claws on two legs. It was fun. Ginger was only one behind me and I didn't want him to catch up. We were actually quite close to the edge of the woods at this point. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. Turning round I saw some young bouncers helping themselves to the lettuces growing in the field which ran up to the woods. Now, bouncers are notoriously difficult to catch but I was sure we could manage it as we'd proved to be on form so far.

“So Ginger” I said, “It's close run between us and I'm only just ahead. Shall we see how many bouncers we can lay a paw on?”
“Good idea “ said Ginger and putting his belly low to the ground started creeping up on the nearest one. He was within inches when the bouncer must have sensed him and with a flick of it's white tail was off. It's strong back legs giving it the bounce it was named for. Ginger looked very disappointed.
“Just give them a minute to settle again” I said “ I see the farmer has just come out and is watching so I hope he doesn't disturb them and spoil the fun.”

The farmer was standing at the end of the field and it looked like he was just leaning on his stick. The bouncers settled down again. “ My turn” I whispered to Ginger and settled as low as I could and started creeping towards a large one engrossed in eating it's lettuce. I got as close as was possible and lowered myself even further ready to pounce. Up I sprang and landed squarely on the back of the bouncer as I heard an almighty ROAR. I felt stunned and a wind passed over me stinging my back. The bouncer bolted leaving bits of fur in my claws and I fell, erm stepped to the ground. I looked up and the farmer had his stick to his shoulder so I realised it was a killing stick. Another ROAR and I saw a bouncer slump to the floor and a dog came running up to get it. I hissed in case it was thinking to collect me too but it just picked up the bouncer in it's jaws and ran back to it's master. Huh, MASTER, you won't catch a Superior saying that.

As the dog turned and ran I looked up to see where the farmer was and he still had the stick to his shoulder so belly low I crept back to the woods. “Ginger!” I called, and he appeared from somewhere as far away from the edge of the wood as he could get. “Ah Oscar, I thought he had you for a minute” he told me.
“Not this time” I said “but he was very close.”
“Closer than you think “ he said “you've got blood on your back.”
“Well, I'd better go home and get that bathed”I said, “my 'The Her' will be able to do that. At least we proved we still have all our skills and I think I win because I touched a bouncer.”
“ I didn't see that” said Ginger, “ I ran as soon as I heard the shot in case it was coming my way.”
“ I still have his fur on my paws Ginger so you can't argue with that.” Reluctantly he accepted I had won and we walked back to the village. My back was stinging but I couldn't show him that. But as soon as I got home I cried for my 'The Her' to come and fix me up. I told her I won't be taking any more chances and would become a house Superior from now on.

Wise Cat

outside in the field
you'll see a mighty hunter
at home, a kitten...

  She came into my life this light, and within minutes I was wishing she hadn't. I suppose I'd better explain.

My 'The Her' was excited. It seems.an old friend from long ago is going to visit and I heard her say to 'The Him' that they had lots to catch up on. I could also see quite clearly with my Superior senses that 'The Him' was not as pleased as she was no matter how often he bared his teeth for her, smiling I think they call it. Perhaps he was jealous that he would lose some of her attention. I certainly was.

   I had lain down on 'The Hers' bed ready to snooze when a terrible screech disturbed me. I was so surprised that I jumped with shock about a foot in the air. Through the open clearway I could see 'The Him' had suffered the same and was only just landing again. Not as delicately as me of course.
I left the room to look for the source of the noise catching up to 'The Him' heading in the same direction. At the large clearway stood my 'The Her' in the grip of a bear with the sound of “Daaahhhling” which was the noise that had disturbed us. She didn't seem upset or worried which was strange and she suddenly let out a screaming“Letitia Deahhh, how lovely to see you.” I thought it a strange name for a bear.

   The bear moved backwards and I could see it was actually a Longlegs dressed in one of the funny skins they wear. And, stranger still, one of the arms had eyes. The Letitia bear moved forwards and approached the him putting it's face up to his and nearly putting it's lips on his face. “David” it said without warmth " how are you?”
“Hello Letitia Dear” replied my 'The Him' removing the skin from her at which point I realised the eyes on her arm belonged to a Superior. Not of a type I'd seen before but very attractive. Very short hair and a lovely cream colour with black face and ears. Mmmm.

   Letitia bear was ushered through to the lounge and she sat in MY chair. I wasn't too keen on that as no-one had asked me but it brought the new Superior down to a better level. I wandered over casually expecting a stroke from Letitia bear but she didn't seem to notice me at all. Neither did the Superior in her arms. That didn't please me as I'm not used to being ignored. I jumped up on my 'The Hers' lap and edged onto the arm of her seat and assumed a relaxed position. I saw the stranger glance in my direction. “Hello, I'm Oscar” I said, “ fancy a walk while the longlegs talk?”
“Valk” she replied, “I don't valk anyvhere. I is Princess Jasmine and the longlegs they is for carryink me.” I was a little doubtful that I'd get a longlegs to carry her alongside me for a walk though perhaps my 'The Him' might in order to avoid staying here with Letitia bear. However there was no way of asking him and I was no longer sure I wanted to walk with her anyway.

   I settled down to sleep. In a very short time I was woken by a hissing. “You there. Ocsar, I vant food, bring me some.”
“Firstly my name is Oscar not Ocsar , and secondly I don't take commands. But, if you wish you can join me and share some chicken.”
She looked at me and said “Very vell, I shall join you, but I sink you is rude to a superior who comes from the Royal Court of Siam.” At which point I knew she was a fraud as there is no Siam anymore. She slithered down off the Bear's knee and followed me to my dishes where she tried to barge in and eat my chicken without sharing. I was not allowing that and stuck my head in the dish which forced her out. She cried “Pig” at me and ran off whining. As I re-entered the lounge she was sitting on the bear's knee again telling her “The peasant won't share with me.” It's good sometimes that the longlegs can't understand us properly. But perhaps I was wrong as Letitia bear was saying “And what did that scruffy cat do to yoou Dear?” At which point both My' The Her' and 'The Him' spoke up. “Scruffy cat! I hope you don't mean Oscar who is a pedigree cat and not a terribly pampered puss like yours.”
“Ach” said the bear, “ I've never been so insulted”
“You obviously don't get out often then” said 'The Him.
“Where is my coat?” she asked, “ I won't stay here to be insulted.”
“Oh, where do you prefer to be insulted?” chipped in my 'The Her' bringing the coat which Letitia Bear slipped on, placed the pampered puss upon her arm and left.

   “ Sorry Dear” said 'The Him', “ I know she was your friend but the woman is intolerable.”
“Actually David” she replied, “ I was scared of her at school because she was a bully but when she got in touch I thought she'd perhaps changed.”
“OK Oscar, lets go sort you out some fresh chicken as a reward” said 'The Him'.
And for once I did as he suggested.

Wise Cat
Dear Sir Oscar:

You have touched upon a very serious issue. There are Superiors out there who claim fake pedigrees! I will never understand why, since all Superiors are noble, no matter where they come from or what breed they are. I am a Siamese myself, as you know, which adds insult to injury… and I am ashamed of any Superior who succumbs to such tactics. I am very happy to see you exposing this scam artist in your valuable blog.

Collette Scott
Ah, my darling Oscar, what a rude interruption to your day. I admire your proud and disciplined approach to putting that terrible intruder in her place. Well done, my friend. :)
Oscar. Thank you both very much. I didn't like to be treated as an idiot in my own home, especially after I'd offered to share my chicken.