So strange what a few words can do isn't it? You can make someone happy or sad, angry or calm.
My 'The Her' was lying in her sleeping place this light when she had a visitor. I was lying with her to protect her of course and when the visitor arrived complete with black bag and when she started putting a needle in my 'The Hers' arm which filled with blood I was alarmed. Being sensible I didn't attack straight away but sat up and asked my 'The Her' if she was OK and if I should attack. She seemed calm enough but then I heard the Longlegs say “ I'd swear your pet is talking to you, he's almost human isn't he?”
You can see what I mean about what a few words can do can't you? PET ? What does she mean Pet? Yes, I know the word of course, but dogs are pets, rabbits are pets but Cats are Superiors. We have been looking after Longlegs for about 9500 years now so she could have got her facts right.
Another thing. Fancy suggesting that I might be like a human. Why on earth would I want that? I mean, just look at us.
CAT.Feline.Superior LONGLEGS. Homo Sapien. Inferior.
Flexible bodies Awkward, gangly, limited movement.
Quick reflexes Slow reflexes. The only thing they catch is a cold.
Retractable Claws. Short claws permanently out.
Night Vision. Bumble along in the dark.
Acute Hearing. Only hear low frequencies easily.
Rapid Breeding. Have to wait lots of light times to give birth.
Added to the last is the fact that their kittens are born not able to look after themselves or walk. But look at Superior kittens, able to walk, able to look after themselves after a very short time and able to hunt vermin after a short time too. When has a human baby ever brought home a mouse? So, given these facts do you really thank I'd be human if I could. Isn't it much more sensible to think that the Longlegs would rather be Superior and are jealous? I decided that these few words had had an effect and that was to make me laugh (if I only could) then make me angry.
I watched as the visitor withdrew the needle now filled with blood from my 'The Hers arm and put it away. She then reached over to stroke me and found that I'd reacted to her words in the best way I knew how, via my wonderful needle sharp teeth which I sank into her finger to show my displeasure at her disparaging comment. Oddly enough, when she jerked the finger away she didn't try to save the blood as she had before. I on the other hand, decided enough was enough and with a word of apology to my 'The Her' dropped of the sleeping place and left the room to find a place to rest in better company. I knew my 'The Her' was not in danger ( but truth to tell, I wasn't so sure about myself). After she left I went back and jumped up on the sleeping place.
“You are naughty Oscar” said my 'The Her' “ the doctor was only trying to be friendly.”
“ She insulted me and paid for it” I replied and lay down.
“ I suppose you were only trying to protect me” she insisted and I saw no reason to argue as she started stroking me just behind my ears. Instead I just purred “Thank you” and fell asleep.
Mark Twain was a great Longlegs writer who faithfully served many Superiors during his life. He once said something that agrees with this wonderful segment you have just written. Here it is and I hope many Longlegs will profit from it. "If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat."
Dear Oscar, I really don't believe you can count Longlegs as inferiors to CATS after all we have the opposable thumb do we not which gives our paws much more flexibility than yours? I do believe that you are actually jealous of the Longlegs and secretly long to be one. After all, we own the world in which you live.
Dear Tom Fleury,
Your opposable thumb allows you to use a tin opener to open tins of salmon and tuna for US. So what have I to be jealous of when I gain the end product? I assure you I'm happy as I am and have NO doubts as to which of us is Superior. ME !!
Normally I'm not a fan of the big box in the corner that entertains Longlegs. It's far too noisy and annoying. And of course noisy and annoying is my prerogative in this house. But, I was lying comfortably next to my 'The Her' early this light when she turned it on. I was far too comfortable to move away then but prepared myself for leaving my spot and going to lie on her sleeping place.
Before I could, there appeared something that amazed me.
A sophisticated family of Superiors abandoned by their Longlegs who had moved away. Yes, I know what you're going to say, “Impossible” but I saw it for myself. Of course being a Sophisticated family they were determined to follow the Longlegs to the new home and settle down with them again. They're kinder than I would have been I assure you. But, I suppose with training the Longlegs could be brought into line again to look after them.
I watched astonished as the family went out unprotected into the world and met Superiors they'd never known existed. For instance, Thomas O'Malley who was a grand character and helped them tremendously on their journey. He introduced them to some wonderful Superiors like a piano playing Princess and a magnificent pair of Siamese Superiors who sang ''We are Siamese if you please, we are Siamese if you don't please.” It was excellent though I have to say wherever the family lived it was in an area which encouraged too much singing.
The biggest surprise of all which I am saving for you now is that all the Superiors there spoke in Longlegs talk when there were no Longlegs around. Yes, Honestly, just like my 'Take on Language' Blog it shows that we superiors share the ability to have a common language the world over, this shows that we can pick up on the language of Longlegs even though they can't seem to talk Superior. And the Superiors here managed it even though some of them were living on the street like Thomas or living a life of privilege like the Princess. It shows just how intelligent we are and the value of an education.
The family were eventually guided with the help from all their new friends to the home of their Longlegs. Though we didn't actually see it, I expect they gave their Longlegs a real good talking to.
They managed to settle down well with the Longlegs protesting that leaving them behind had all been an accident. Hmph, where Longlegs are concerned you can't always be sure.
But don't you just love a Happy Ending.Aah. Maybe there's something to be said for the big box that the Longlegs seem to love after all.
I am not a fan of the Big Box for the simple reason that you can’t smell what’s going on there. It’s all very well listening to singing Superiors, and it also showed me the Enormous Superiors of Africa where they live in large groups, but the lack of sniffing experience really makes the whole thing rather dull.
Dear Sir Oscar,
I think you should read books instead. Tell your Long Legs you wish to read a book called The Fur Person, it’s one of the best books about Superiors ever written.
Dear Morticia, I can do most things but I regret I never learned to read Longlegs words.I shall have to find a Superior with those skills to he
It's a Topsy Turvy world. You know that my 'The Her' has been ill recently and my 'The Him ' has stepped into the breach and been feeding me. (He obviously values his job and his skin). Well, this light my 'The Her' bounced out of her sleeping place and fed me again as though there had been no change. Then , when I jumped up on the seat beside her after eating she didn't push me away from her tummy and actually stroked me again.
Added to this, I have been despairing of the kittens of today. They seem to have it so easy that few of them are now going out and catching food to bring home for their Longlegs. They don't make them squeal anymore like they used to. They have no respect for the older Superior like me and roll their eyes when we start to tell them stories of how it used to be. Sometimes they say we live in the past. It's not always been wise to go out if there are a group of them playing together. Well, I was resting my paw earlier after my Longlegs had gone out when bold as brass in walked young Thomas II. Without even a by your leave. I was preparing to tell him off when I noticed he carried a mouse in his jaws. He dropped it by my seat and told me he'd brought me a gift as he knew I couldn't hunt at the moment. Here we have a kitten (though larger than most) who can still go out and hunt and who displays both kindness and respect to the older generation. Needless to say I will have to revise my opinion a bit since I've been proved wrong. I thanked him gratefully and we talked for a while until I saw his eyes start to glaze over at my stories when I sent him off to play with his friends.
The mouse lay there quivering on the floor until Thomas II had gone. Then sticking his head up he glanced at me and asked if I was going to eat him. Knowing full well that my teeth aren't strong enough anymore and my tastes have changed since I started getting my chicken regularly I told him “No, I'm not. You can disappear now but say nothing to anyone or I'll catch you and eat you.”
“OK Guv'nor” he said and sprinted off. It seems even mice don't know how to talk properly anymore.
It's made me remember that my parents must have thought the same things about me as I now think and no doubt Thomas's children will think about him. Maybe the world hasn't changed quite as much as I thought, just my perception and memories of it.
(firstname.lastname@example.org) 10/21/2011 04:00:19
Fascinating stuff Oscar. I've had to revise my opinion on todays 'Longlegs' youth a few times too. They always say you can't tell a book by it's cover and they're right.Freda Poulsen
Fascinating stuff Oscar. I've had to revise my opinion on todays 'Longlegs' youth a few times too. They always say you can't tell a book by it's cover and they're right.Wise Cat
The Light Time comes, the Dark Time comes, you will purr, you will hiss, but the kittens will go their own way and will never know yours. Patricia Carrigan
Most Superior Oscar,
I am so pleased that the young one showed you the respect you deserve. I hope the mouse knew how fortunate he was that you weren't in the mood for a mousey morsel.
The small Patricia
Freddie's ' The Her'
I'm still lying here resting my poor sore paw and that takes some saying I promise. I know some of you will say “Huh, he's just lazy as the paw should be healing now”. But, although the paw is healing a bit, I'm feeling the arthritis beginning to bite now and its getting harder to move. Still, it gives me time to gather my thoughts and share them with you all.
This light had me thinking about language. I'm a well educated Superior and have come into contact with many Longlegs. Over time there seem to have been Longlegs visiting from all parts of this globe. I have heard the mangled English of America, the gutteral German, the temptation of Italian and the relaxed tones of Spanish. I've heard the Urgency of French, the leadership of Portuguese, the sing-song of Chinese and the melody of Welsh. I've heard those and more but it always surprises me that no Longlegs ever talks the Miaow language of Superiors. Nor have they one language understood the World over the way Miaow is. I can meet and greet a Superior from any part of the World because he speaks the same language as me. This is of course just further proof of why we are Superiors. They have to learn new languages all the time to communicate.
All this of course made me wonder about education and whether that's what sets us apart from the Longlegs. Just listen to this.....they send their kittens away to be educated ! Yes it's true, they go out in the light time and come home before the dark time and they go and learn things in large groups. I've heard of some things they learn like counting, that's good but you only need count things like the claws on your paws really. They learn reading, which for them is good because they send things to each other in writing. They learn about other Countries, which is good if you live there but why bother if you only live here? They learn things which are useful like the females learn to cook my chicken and the males to build houses for me to live in, but that's only because we Superiors have decreed it thus for our own needs, after all the Longlegs have the opposing thumb we don't have. Yes, I'm sure that's just something else we Superiors decreed.
What the Longlegs don't have is the instinct we are born with. What they don't have is a Superior's education given by a parent of how to stalk and catch food, of how to organise Longlegs to do things for us. And this is given at home with no need to send us away during the light time. Our lives are far less complicated.
One thing we should envy the Longlegs though is life. We have nine lifetimes to learn things and start very early whereas the Longlegs live many more lifetimes. They start learning late but keep learning all the time so they may actually serve more than one Superior during that time. It would be nice if we had more than our nine lives so we could keep training the Longlegs under our care though I'm not sure I'd want to live the hundreds of years they do, after all I've seen what happens to their fur when they get old, it disappears and they have try and comb what's left to cover the patches. I certainly wouldn't want that as my fur is luxurious. Everyone should be as jealous of my fur as they are of my wit and charm, my education and training skills. Talking of which, it's time I put my language skills to good use and suggested to my 'The Him' that he fills my dish with chicken.
An ancient Haiku about our beloved universal language:
purrr, a soft miaow,
shall I tell you about beauty?
listen to my song…
I am a Longlegs, a teacher by profession. I wish the world of human education would consult Superiors like you. I cannot even begin to tell you about the chaos in my classroom that is generated each day by the human kittens. They are good little kittens – I love every one of them – but really, learning in large groups is not the thing. They want to follow their parents, learn from experience, and develop wisdom in the proper way. We need a Superior Reform for our schools!
Lisa, a first grade teacher
(email@example.com) Wed, 19 Oct 2011 05:50:17
eek I am a longlegs getting old, thanks Oscar.
I cut my paw this morning thanks to some Longlegs not being very careful with an empty bottle. Lying here has given me time to think and so I've been thinking about History and how things might have been different had more people had Superiors like me. For instance, would Nero have fiddled while Rome fell if he'd been given a kitten to entertain instead ? Maybe he'd have gone on to become an architect after his time as Emperor was up ( Which apparently couldn't come soon enough for most of Rome including his wives Octavia and Poppaea).
The Ancient Egyptians nearly had it right when they regarded us as Gods. Where they fell down was entombing us along with the Pharaohs who worshipped us. While it was OK for a while catching all the mice and rats that were down there too, it wasn't a good idea to let us pass before our nine lives were up. Maybe if we'd been allowed to carry on we could have educated more Longlegs and Egypt would still be a power. Maybe they'd still be worshipping us too which wouldn't have been a bad thing.
Napoleon loved his horse but if he'd loved a Superior maybe his bad temper wouldn't have sent him off to try and claim Europe as his own and help himself to the treasures of Egypt. ( Serves them right for forgetting to treat us as Gods). This reminds me that I should tell you about Longlegs Sciences. It's been proved that Longlegs feel much better and less angry and stressed if they can stroke a Superior. This leads on to Superiors Science that maintains every Longlegs household should have at least one Superior to stroke then maybe they'd stop fighting each other and shouting at each other. When they've all settled down maybe it's time they resurrected the idea of worshipping us again.
Now I don't like to brag, but I'm quite a handsome chap. Though the Egyptians of old used to have statues of the Superior Bastet to worship,(I am of course a direct descendant) I'm sure that there's an idea that she's a little out of date now ( I'm spreading it). Therefore I offer myself as a model for the new Longlegs to worship even though my natural modesty would normally not allow this. But, we need to act quickly and I think it would be better to use me than waste time holding competitions. Of course you would always need a reserve and my friend Ginger says he's willing too ( Though I suggest you look to Smokie or Gizmo first, maybe even Millie).
So, anyone interested in making a model of a Fine Superior would be welcome to contact me via this blog, please don't expect an answer in a hurry as I am sure Thousands of Longlegs will apply for this honoured position. World Peace is within your grasp here when you all worship me and my Superior fellows and allow us into your homes.
My dear Sir Oscar,
I had no idea that your level of education and knowledge of history was so impressive. I support your ideas and yes, your natural beauty and distinctive personality would make you the perfect model and Long Legs could do worse than choose you; I would suggest keeping the Bastet image alive as well, since she is still very much with us.
Your friend, Wise Cat
Ever since I went into retirement, I was waiting for someone to take my place as a deity. Since you are my direct descendant, as you know, I simply cannot think about a more suitable candidate. You have my blessing, my child, and you can count on me for advice and help as needed.
Your loving G/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/g/ggrandmother,
I was lying quite peacefully next to my 'The Her' falling asleep listening to the click-clack of the pointy things she uses to make things from wool. The phone rang which disturbed me and as she leaned over to answer it I received a jab from one of the pointy things. That made me jump and as I did it seems the wool was caught round my neck. With the force of the jab and having her leaning over me without stroking me I decided to go out. I jumped off the seat and started to make my way to the clearway. I really wasn't aware of the wool around my neck at this point. I was close to leaving the room and could tell she was still talking to someone when I heard a yell, “ Oscar!!!!”
What could I do but run? I did and the scream “Nooooooo” followed me to the clearway where I was brought to a sudden halt as the wool I had not noticed suddenly gripped me......momentarily only because then with the force of me running forward it snapped.
I was outside the clearway and there was no wool to stop me. I was glad I'd moved as the sun was shining and not too far away I could here Ginger singing. Well, out of kindness I'll call it that. I went to find him.
Following what sounded like the heehawing of a donkey in pain I soon found him. He was sitting at the foot of a tree just outside the walls and braying up into the branches. I thought perhaps he's lost his mind until I noticed a female sitting in the branches above looking rather scared.
“Hello Ginger” I said, “ what's new?”
“Hi Oscar” he replied, “ I'm just serenading this young Lady. The sun is shining and I'm in the mood for love.”
“Ginger old chap, I think you’re scaring the object of your attention to death. How about letting her down and allowing her to introduce herself first?”
“I suppose so” he said, “hey beautiful, how about coming down to say hello.”
Beautiful agreed and came clambering delicately down.
“I am Sheba sirs” she told us “ and am looking for my Longlegs who seems to have lost me.”
“I'm Ginger and this is Oscar” said Ginger, “ I think I'm in Love!”
Sheba simpered a bit, “I'm too young for Love” she told us.
“Where did you last see your Longlegs?” I asked getting back to the point though I could see why Ginger was attracted to Sheba.
“When she went to visit a friend” she said “I decided to look around and forgot which house she'd gone in.”
“Well it's only a small village” I said, “we'll soon find her.”
“But now I'm thirsty” she told us “and I don't know where to go.”
“Follow me” I said, and started leading the way to the Fursty Ferret which always has a dish of water outside for the dogs whose Longlegs drink there. As we approached Ginger bounded ahead and stood by the dish. “Here you are Sheba” he said “a drink for you and then a little fun with me?”
“Behave yourself Ginger” I told him “the last thing we want is your kittens appearing one day looking for you. You're not father material.”
After a drink Ginger and I took Sheba on a tour of the village until she recognised the chariot she'd come in. Looking inside we could see a large cat bed on the back seat which must have been hers. The chariot was parked near two cottages and so starting there seemed a good idea. We went up the first path and could hear voices so we walked round the back where they seemed to come from. “Sheba my darling” called a Longlegs sitting with some others, “you've found some friends have you? I do hope that Ugly Orange Tom has behaved round you.”
Sheba jumped up on the woman's knee and started telling her tale of being lost, which was completely lost on the Longlegs who understood not a word.
One of the other Longlegs stood and said “Come on you two, lets get you a saucer of milk.”
Ginger and I followed and received our reward.
I walked home afterwards and as I left Ginger at the wall I told him after I'd heard him sing I understood where the Longlegs term caterwauling came from now. I smiled to show him I wasn't being cruel.
I entered the house through the clearway and carefully looked round. There was no wool and I could see that my 'The Her' was back to knitting and was off the phone now. I jumped up beside her to finish off my interrupted sleep.
Dear Sir Oscar,
I am not sure if the personage in the picture truly represents Superiors in their finest moments. Somehow, I am not sure why, he seems a little, shall we say (if such a thing can be said about a Superior), undignified? I suspect the picture might have been retouched by an immature and malicious Long Legs with intent of unbecoming mockery…
(firstname.lastname@example.org) Tue, 11 Oct 2011 07:41:26
I am stunned by the fact that you do not know how dangerous yarn can be for Superiors! You might have at least left a warning to kittens. Don't you know that if swallowed, yarn can kill a Superior?!?!?!
Your friend and associate,
I am not sure how to explain what happened. For once, my Superior wisdom is failing me. You, my readers, are welcome to comment and try to explain.
It was dark time, and since I woke up and was not entirely sleepy, I went and finished my dish of food from last night. I felt a little too full, since I had a large dinner consisting of one packet and some fresh chicken, so I wanted to play a before going to snuggle on top of my The Him.
I debated waking him up to open the clearway, but I knew I would be ready for sleep soon, so instead I jumped on the shelf, where I planned to knock down a thing or two just to keep my paw in good training. I am glad no one saw me, since a highly disgraceful thing happened, something that should never, ever happen to a Superior. I was so full of food that I did not land properly, and yes, believe it or not, I fell down. Most of the time, if a Superior falls off a somewhat high place, he or she lands properly and is not hurt. We know how to do it, and our bones are flexible. But not always. Sometimes, the Superior will land just as clumsily as a Long Legs. I knocked my head on the side table and everything went black.
Next thing I knew, I saw a point of light in the distance. It grew bigger. I had no idea what it was, and stared at it as it continued to grow. I could see it was a tunnel of sorts. I got up and went to investigate. I felt lightheaded, sort of flimsy and weightless, but I figured it was caused by the fall, so I ignored it. I went into the tunnel, and suddenly felt a strong push, as if sixty mice were standing in line and pushing me forward. I practically flew, it was so fast. At the end of the tunnel, the light was growing stronger, but for some reason it was not hard on my eyes. After a long time, by the end of which I was sure I sprouted wings, I reached the strong light. I could see that it came from an opened clearway, which seemed to invite me to come in. I was not surprised, since no matter where I go, they surely know my worth. So I stuck my tail up straight to show I was not afraid and walked right into the light.
At first I could not see anything, but I heard my name called. The sounds seemed to come from many different individuals, some in human language, some in cat language. It was like “Oscar, darling, at last!” “Oscar, how wonderful to see you!” “Yes, kittens, this is the famous Oscar I told you about.” And so on. Slowly, my eyes adjusted and I could see all around me. It was a beautiful garden, and Long Legs and Superiors were everywhere around me, all looking at me with admiration and love. I saw a few dogs, and some birds, but they did not come close; I suppose this was out of respect for my feelings. I did not know anyone personally, but since they were so civil, I went and rubbed my head on some Long Legs’ foot. She seemed so enchanted with me she was ready to swoon with joy, and when I leapt on her knee she gently rubbed my ears. Another Long Legs came over with a dish that contained something that looked a little strange but smelled so good I decided to try some. As I was eating this delicious food, with everyone standing over me and watching with admiration, a tall Long Legs came over. I looked up from my food, sat down and wiped my face politely with my paw. The Log Legs motioned me to follow.
I am not sure why, but I felt compelled to obey and walked after him. Everyone was waving at me and telling me to come back when I was through with the interview. Interview? Whatever was that? I had no idea. But the Long Legs took me to a room, where he sat on a regular chair in front of a desk, and on the desk was a soft cat bed. I sat and looked at him, and he looked at me, for a long time. Neither of us spoke a word, but I felt he was reading my thoughts. It did not bother me, since what would I have to hide? My thoughts are pure and Superior-like at all times. At last he said to me, “It’s not time yet, Oscar not all nine are used yet. You have to go home.”
“I am not even sure where I am,” I said.
“It does not matter, Oscar. You still have work to do, you have not attained perfection.”
“What??” I said. “All Superiors are perfect. You should know that. You read my thoughts.”
“Well, that’s just it,” said the person. “I saw that at times you behaved badly to your Long Legs. You refused to accept full responsibility, and you allowed them to do things they should not do. You must go back and rectify all wrongs before you are allowed to come back here. You know you are their owner, but many times you have forgotten this great responsibility.”
“I saved a rat the other day,” I said. “And a kitten.”
“That was highly commendable,” said the person. “But not enough. Go home and take better care of your Long Legs.”
“Very well,” I said. “If I must, I must. It was nice here but I would miss them if I stayed.”
“Now that was a very good way to start your new path,” said the person.
“Do I have to fly through this awful tunnel again with the mice?” I asked.
“No, it is a one way tunnel. I will place you back home.”
At this moment, I opened my eyes. I was just under the shelf I had fallen from, and I had a serious headache, but otherwise I was fine. I went to my The Him and jumped on his stomach. I must be good, sure, but I won’t lose too many points if I dig myself under his chin, I thought. He choked a little, but not much, and I purred and thought. What was it? Where was I? I have no idea.
An ancient haiku:
a dream which is not
a journey that has no end
what do they tell me?
Millie the Cat
I suggest you read the book "Journeys to the Infinite" by His Catness, the Reverend Superior Emerald of Atlantis. It will clear some of the myesteries, I believe.
You friend and associate,
Oscar is unable to be with us today. He's asked Millie to fill in for him with her excellent Agony Aunt Column and luckily for us she's agreed or there would be an empty page today.
I am a Yorkshire Terrier, and I live with two Long Legs, a cat, and a rabbit. We get along, more or less. Problem is, my Longlegs decided to train the rabbit to walk on a leash. It seems to be the fashion in this part of the world, they all buy leashes for the bunnies and take them to the park. The cat won’t have anything to do with it, of course, but I am expected to put up with walking to the park with my Long Legs, accompanied by a rabbit on a pink leash. I am embarrassed beyond words. What shall I say to the other dogs? Desperate in Iowa
Dear Desperate in Iowa:
Pretend it was your choice. Tell the other dogs that you are proving that your training methods can work even for a truly dumb animal like a rabbit. Tell them you would wager they could not do it as well as you do. They will end up envying you.
My Long Legs noticed that I use her computer! I heard her telling a friend over the phone that she is certain I am using the computer to order things she received in the mail and never ordered herself. She also mentioned the white fur that I shed around the computer as I worked on my novel. What am I to do? Aspiring novelist
Dear Aspiring Novelist:
All you can do is confess to the truth. You may have to when you want your novel published, anyway. Tell her that you are dedicating the novel to her, and she will be so thrilled she would not mind.
Dear Millie: I am a Long Legs. My Superior needs to take a medicine, and she is giving me a very hard time. I mixed it with her favorite food, I hid it in Pill Pockets, I tried to sneak it in a spoon, as if it was a special treat – nothing. So now I have to squirt the medicine in her mouth, mixed with a little tuna juice. What can I do to pacify her anger and disgust? She does not like to have the medicine squirted into her mouth. Any advice? A sad Long Legs
Dear Sad Long Legs,
Since she must take her medicine, and won’t take it on her own, you have no choice. But I suggest you give her the delicious tuna after you squirt the medicine. She will soon realize that the Tuna and the medicine come together, and you will have no trouble.
I am a Long Legs. I have an issue with shoes. My two Superiors insist on sleeping on my shoes. I can’t see why it’s comfortable, the shoes are bumpy and hard, and yet they make themselves into pretzel shapes and rest on the shoes. The problem is, not only I get a lot of fur shed on my shoes, but also, they won’t let me put the shoes in my closet and insist I leave them on the bedroom floor. It looks messy and untidy and I am afraid people who see it may think badly of me. What am I to do? Shoe Owner in Distress
Dear Show Owner:
Do NOTHING. If your Superiors wish to rest on your shoes, well, that is their wish and you should respect it. There are such things as brushes – you can easily remove the fur from your shoes when you need to wear them. I really do not understand the fuss.
I am a very young Superior who lives on the tenth floor in an apartment house. My Long Legs has a book that tells about a family of cats that has wings. That sounds good and I would like to fly, too. It would be nice to fly out of the window since our apartment is so high up! Do you know where I can get information as to how to sprout wings? Fluffy
NO!!!! You should never, ever, try to fly. Cats don’t fly! This is just a story book. Keep away from windows and never think about it again, or I will write to your Long Legs and warn them!
I am a Long Legs, and I live with three Superiors. I do my best to make them happy, and I thought they would enjoy nature films, so I bought a few DVDs to amuse them. They seem to have the kind of scenes cats would like – chasing, hunting, eating, etc. One of my Superiors is very interested, and watches for hours, but the other two just look for a few minutes and then move away. Why is that? Perplexed Long Legs
Perhaps they prefer live theater? Try the garden…
I'm not sure. Are you a cat giving advice to cats and people( & dogs?) or a person giving advice to people and cats?
Dear Mr. Pierce,
It is as clear as the blue sky of summer that Millie is a cat. A human would never be so wise, and a dog is too modest to dispense advice. Shame on you for not realizing that. And Millie - I think your advice is excellent. Keep up the good work! I'll be following your career with great interest.