I am a Yorkshire Terrier, and I live with two Long Legs, a cat, and a rabbit. We get along, more or less. Problem is, my Longlegs decided to train the rabbit to walk on a leash. It seems to be the fashion in this part of the world, they all buy leashes for the bunnies and take them to the park. The cat won’t have anything to do with it, of course, but I am expected to put up with walking to the park with my Long Legs, accompanied by a rabbit on a pink leash. I am embarrassed beyond words. What shall I say to the other dogs? Desperate in Iowa
Dear Desperate in Iowa:
Pretend it was your choice. Tell the other dogs that you are proving that your training methods can work even for a truly dumb animal like a rabbit. Tell them you would wager they could not do it as well as you do. They will end up envying you.
My Long Legs noticed that I use her computer! I heard her telling a friend over the phone that she is certain I am using the computer to order things she received in the mail and never ordered herself. She also mentioned the white fur that I shed around the computer as I worked on my novel. What am I to do? Aspiring novelist
Dear Aspiring Novelist:
All you can do is confess to the truth. You may have to when you want your novel published, anyway. Tell her that you are dedicating the novel to her, and she will be so thrilled she would not mind.
Dear Millie: I am a Long Legs. My Superior needs to take a medicine, and she is giving me a very hard time. I mixed it with her favorite food, I hid it in Pill Pockets, I tried to sneak it in a spoon, as if it was a special treat – nothing. So now I have to squirt the medicine in her mouth, mixed with a little tuna juice. What can I do to pacify her anger and disgust? She does not like to have the medicine squirted into her mouth. Any advice? A sad Long Legs
Dear Sad Long Legs,
Since she must take her medicine, and won’t take it on her own, you have no choice. But I suggest you give her the delicious tuna after you squirt the medicine. She will soon realize that the Tuna and the medicine come together, and you will have no trouble.
I am a Long Legs. I have an issue with shoes. My two Superiors insist on sleeping on my shoes. I can’t see why it’s comfortable, the shoes are bumpy and hard, and yet they make themselves into pretzel shapes and rest on the shoes. The problem is, not only I get a lot of fur shed on my shoes, but also, they won’t let me put the shoes in my closet and insist I leave them on the bedroom floor. It looks messy and untidy and I am afraid people who see it may think badly of me. What am I to do? Shoe Owner in Distress
Dear Show Owner:
Do NOTHING. If your Superiors wish to rest on your shoes, well, that is their wish and you should respect it. There are such things as brushes – you can easily remove the fur from your shoes when you need to wear them. I really do not understand the fuss.
I am a very young Superior who lives on the tenth floor in an apartment house. My Long Legs has a book that tells about a family of cats that has wings. That sounds good and I would like to fly, too. It would be nice to fly out of the window since our apartment is so high up! Do you know where I can get information as to how to sprout wings? Fluffy
NO!!!! You should never, ever, try to fly. Cats don’t fly! This is just a story book. Keep away from windows and never think about it again, or I will write to your Long Legs and warn them!
I am a Long Legs, and I live with three Superiors. I do my best to make them happy, and I thought they would enjoy nature films, so I bought a few DVDs to amuse them. They seem to have the kind of scenes cats would like – chasing, hunting, eating, etc. One of my Superiors is very interested, and watches for hours, but the other two just look for a few minutes and then move away. Why is that? Perplexed Long Legs
Perhaps they prefer live theater? Try the garden…
I'm not sure. Are you a cat giving advice to cats and people( & dogs?) or a person giving advice to people and cats?
Dear Mr. Pierce,
It is as clear as the blue sky of summer that Millie is a cat. A human would never be so wise, and a dog is too modest to dispense advice. Shame on you for not realizing that. And Millie - I think your advice is excellent. Keep up the good work! I'll be following your career with great interest.